Bitter Ex Wife Pattern
Is she domineering, hard-nosed, malicious and controlling?
what happens with the children?
Make all communication as awkward as possible?
Complicate arrangements when a simple ‘Yes’ or ‘No’ would suffice?
Think she can interfere in your life?
Still punish him for moving on with his life?
Waste Police and Court time with her lies and petty made up stories
about her being the Victim?
Second wives/partners can identify the very familiar controlling and
domineering bad behaviour of their husband’s ex-wife. We have
discovered there is a predictable pattern and a very common theme to
their behaviour and have called it the Bitter Ex-wife Pattern.
Do you have to deal with a bitter ex-wife? Here are some
examples of bitter ex-wife behaviour:
Ex-wife seeks to control ex-husband's time with their children.
Member comment: “My partner
received an e-mail with a list of places he wasn’t allowed to visit
when he had his children with him – including Tesco because it was
her favourite haunt and she liked to shop there. She also insisted
he couldn’t take them within a 10 mile radius of her home!”
Ex-wife dictates who should/shouldn't be around the children,
ex-wife seeks to have second wife, girlfriend, grandparents
“Even in court she tried to insist my husband was evil for taking
their children to see their paternal grandparents, aunts, uncles and
cousins! When the Judge asked her why she said she didn’t like any
of her ex-husband’s family and they’d all be talking about her!”
Ex-wife demands to vet ex-husband’s new partner.
“She told my partner she wanted to meet with me to see if I was up
to her standards and to see if she approved of me being around her
“my boyfriend’s ex-wife is a bully and a control freak, she told him
I wasn’t allowed to around their children until we were engaged to
“Their mother does not approve of me although she has never met me.”
Ex-wife makes child contact as difficult as possible - offer the
children up for contact when she knows the ex-husband is working
then accuse him of being an uncaring father when he can't see them
at short notice.
“My boyfriend is a Fireman and works shifts which are planned out
months in advance. His ex-wife thinks his shifts should change at a
moment’s notice so she can dump the children on him at any time to
suit her so she can have a rest. When he tells her he can’t look
after them because he is working she has a screaming fit telling he
isn’t a good Father!”
Many ex-wives have wasted valuable Police time with their lies
and unfounded allegations. Here is a very common example.
“My partner had a post office re-direction on his mail; it was in
his name only. For some reason, best known to the Post office, they
delivered two of his ex-wife’s letters to our home by mistake. My
partner did the good deed and forwarded them onto her. Three days
later we had the Police knocking at our door investigating a
complaint from my partner’s ex-wife about him tampering with her
personal Mail. The Police were embarrassed at having to look into
this and actually apologised for putting us through this!”
Ex-wife bad mouths ex-husband/wife/girlfriend/family and make
children repeat it.
“Can you imagine what it feels like to hear a 5 year old say “You
stole my dad from us and we’re going to take you to court and tell
the Judge to get all your money!”
Ex-wife involves young children in court action, CSA and burdens
them with her adult concerns.
Member comment: “My boyfriend’s 12 year old son turned up at the
weekend demanding to know why his dad wasn’t paying more money. He
said the sum, (accurately stated the amount) his mum and he got from
the CSA isn’t enough for them to buy a bigger house and a new car!”
Ex-wife insists on calling the children on their mobile phone
while they are supposed to be relaxing and enjoying their time with
their father yet blocks any calls ex-husband may make to the
“She called our house so much when the children are here it became a
major disruption to meal-times and bed-times. We asked her to stop
calling so much but she wouldn’t listen. She insisted she had rights
to call the children whenever she wanted. In the end we had to
change our home number and gave her the number of a mobile phone
which is only switched on at certain times throughout the day. Now,
we can have a meal in peace and get the children to bed without
their mum calling saying she is lonely and sad without them”
Ex-wife refuses to give children privacy when their father calls
to speak to them; she will listen to the call and coach the child in
what to say.
“My partner calls to speak to his children once a week but she is
always in the background telling them to ask him for money or
shouting things so he can hear. This makes a change from her
hoovering around the phone every time he calls to speak to them!”
Ex-wife insisting the children call there father by his first
name and to call her latest boyfriend 'Dad'.
“My husband went through a very difficult time trying to keep in
contact with his children. His ex-wife disappeared with the children
and re-appeared with yet another bloke in tow. She didn’t want my
husband to have anything to do with his children now she had another
bloke in her life. The children were only 4 and 7 at the time and
she made them call their dad by his first name and refer to her
latest boyfriend as Daddy”
Ex-wife enrols anyone who will listen to her into her hate
“We met up for dinner with a couple who have known my partner for
years including when he was still with his ex-wife. They told us
they saw her recently and all she could do was moan on and on about
how evil my partner was to her. It’s been 4 years since the divorce
and she has re-married. They had tried to change the subject but she
kept going back to talking about my partner. I don’t think it’s
humanly possible for her to move on!”
Ex-wife refuses to 'allow' ex-husband to have any part in the
children's education. Many bitter ex-wives have shown to be habitual
liars trying to influence and support schools in their failure to
treat the father of her children equally.
“When my partner first contacted his children’s school he was
treated like a criminal. The school’s attitude towards him was
appalling and they refused to communicate with him unless his
ex-wife gave them permission! He contacted the local Education
Authority to complain about the school’s lack of equality and
general conduct. It turns out his ex-wife had gone to the school and
given them a pack of lies that he wasn’t allowed to see the
children, he was a violent monster and she and the children lived in
fear of him. The school didn’t seek any evidence from her to back up
her lies instead they simply chose to believe everything she said
and they branded my partner a violent criminal. An investigation was
started and the headmistress almost lost her job over this, she
apologised to my partner for the way she and her colleagues had
treated him. I doubt she’ll make this mistake again!”
Ex-wife claims everything is the ex-husbands fault and she was
totally blameless throughout the marriage.
“During their very acrimonious divorce my partner’s ex-wife claimed
everything was his fault and that she had done everything she could
as a dutiful wife to make their marriage a happy one. She seemed to
forget about her daily drinking habit, her secret spending and the 3
men she slept with, including the husband of their next door
Ex-wife has an unhealthy interest in ex-husband's new
girlfriend/wife by spying on her.
“I went through a terrible time when I first met my partner. His
ex-wife was spotted hanging around outside my house and was spotted
outside my place of work. I found the whole thing very frightening,
one night I was having dinner with friends after work she appeared
from nowhere and threatened me in the car park. I called the police
and to cut a long story very short I took her to court and had a
restraining order placed on her. I had done nothing to this woman,
I’d never met her before yet she was obsessed with me and my life –
very, very scary!”
Ex-wife makes false claims of abuse of the children by
ex-husbands new partner.
“My husband’s ex-wife had such an issue with me being around their
children she used to make up stupid allegations in the hope one of
them would stick. She has accused me of being unfit, violent,
abusive, drunk, dope smoker, having sex in front of them – the list
is endless! Yet she has never once stopped the children from coming
into my home when it suited her. The judge threw all her allegations
out of court and told her to stop wasting the court’s time!”
Ex-wife writes long waffling letters using solicitor’s
terminology because she believes she has legal training due to the
fact she spends so much time in their company.
“When she stopped getting Legal Aid she refused to pay for a
solicitor so she started writing letters to my husband about the most
pointless things. We used to laugh at her letters, every couple of
sentences she’d thrown in some Legal Terminology. If you didn’t know
any better you’d think she was doing it for a laugh!”
Ex-wife destroys all ex-husbands personal belongings she can get
her hands on and destroys family photos in front of children.
of members have said this has happened to their partner. The ex-wife
destroyed everything and ripped up family photos in front of the
Ex-wife never questioned ex-husband's ability to be a good father
and to care for the children by himself until they were divorced
when, according to her, he became totally unreliable and couldn't be
trusted with the children unless she gives him a complete list of
dos and don’ts.
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