Frequently Asked Questions
We recommend you read this page before using the Forum
If you have a question regarding the BSWC, joining and paying for Membership, problems logging in, or issues regarding the Forum, please read our frequently asked questions below before contacting us.
Please note: Advice and suggestions, including legal and financial advice, are given in good faith by British Second Wives Club Members, but should not be treated as a substitute for professional counsel. We recommend that you always seek professional advice from suitably qualified experts pertinent to your situation before deciding on a course of action, and neither we nor other members can be held responsible for any loss or adverse consequences.
Yes. We only have a few rules, but please stick to them to keep The BSWC a pleasant place.
- Respect. You must treat everyone with respect. No personal attacks, no defamatory, inflammatory, rude, abrupt or racial comments.
- Inappropriate subjects. You can talk about almost anything within the BSWC forum, with a few exceptions. These include: race (unless the thread is regarding a problem you are personally experiencing because of your race), immigration, religion and politics (including war). Also, please be aware that if you discuss any problems you might have regarding your ex-husband and/or his second wife, that this is the British Second Wives Club and you might cause offence to other members. Certain comments may be acceptable, but whole posts/threads discussing problems or issues may not be.
- Bad Language. Please do not use bad language in the forums, there is a censored smilie you can use instead. (If you type **** the smilie will be automatically inserted into your post). How do I know if the word is classed as bad language? Would you use this word talking to your boss, your mother, your children, the checkout lady, the police, or in Court? If your answer is ‘no’ or you have any doubt, then it shouldn’t go in the Forum and a censored smilie should go in its place. Note: we do allow ‘bitch’.
- Block capitals. Please remember that block capitals look like shouting.
- Report a problem. You can report any post or PM you may receive directly to the Moderators by clicking ‘report this post’ at the bottom right of the post/PM in question. The issue will then be addressed.
- Advertising/links to other sites. Generally posts which contain advertising and/or links to commercial websites or companies are not allowed, unless they are genuinely helpful to other Members.
- Do not ‘hijack’ a thread (talking about something other than the original subject). If you wish to talk about something else, please start a new thread.
- Removal of posts/threads. If any of your posts or threads are removed from the Forum, please don’t restart them.
- Other Members. Do not discuss other Members, either past or present, in the forum. If a member has left and you want to get hold of them, we can’t give you their details, but we might be able to send them an email telling them you are trying to get in touch.
- Your Membership is personal. We ask you to ensure that no one other than you uses your login details to gain access to The BSWC, and obviously, that no one else can use your login to post. That includes husbands and partners.
The BSWC prides itself on being a friendly place and the rules are there to keep it that way. If you breach any of them, then appropriate action will be taken. For minor breaches, you will receive an email from the moderators reminding you of the rules, and your post may be removed or amended.
For repeat offenders, or for those who commit a more serious breach, your Membership may be suspended, either for a limited time or permanently. In this instance, the BSWC will at its own discretion refund your Membership fee, on a pro-rata basis for each full month of Membership not yet used, less a £3 administration fee.
Whilst the BSWC will try to resolve any issues which may arise to the satisfaction of all, we will deal with the situation in the best way for the majority of the Members. The BSWC’s decision in all matters is final.
First of all, you need to join the BSWC! Once you have logged in, we hope you will find the Forum simple to use. Threads are arranged in general topics. You can read old posts, comment (click on Reply or Quote), or start a new topic. When using Quote, you will get the entire post. If you only want to quote part of someone else’s post, just remove the text you don’t want from inside the quote tags.
It is easier for everyone (and you will get a better response) if your post/thread is in the correct topic, and we will move it if necessary.
You can customise your message by changing the font size, colour etc if you want to, and click on a smilie to insert it into your message.
If you want to see your message before you post, click on Preview.
Please do not use block capitals, remember to break up large areas of text into paragraphs to make it easier to read, and please don’t use ‘txt speak’.
If you wish to insert a hyperlink in your post, click the icon. Add an “=” symbol followed by the entire url (http://….) before the closing bracket of the first tag, and add the name of your link between the brackets.
Your link should now look like this: [url=http://www.thebritishsecondwivesclub.co.uk]this is a link[/url]. Once your post has been submitted this will be the result: this is a link.
The British Second Wives Club reserve the right to remove any links which are inappropriate, offensive, advertising or irrelevant.
The BSWC Chatbox is always open for any of the BSWC Members to use whenever they want to have a chat. To enter the BSWC Chat Room, click on the button called ‘Chat’. You will automatically be logged in using your BSWC username and password.
Chat about whatever you want, as long as it is not offensive to other Members.
There are two ways to share your pictures:
Uploading pictures direct from your PC: When you are typing a post, select ‘Attachments and other options’. Click on ‘Browse’ and find the picture you want to share. Once you click ‘Post’ the picture will be included.
Using pictures straight from the web: To share a picture that is already online, click the icon and paste the image url between the brackets, so the code looks like this: [img]http://www.yourphotos.com/your_album/yourpicture[/img]. You can get the URL of an image by right clicking it and selecting “Copy Image URL” .
You can add smilies into your signature if you wish, as many of the BSWC Members have already done. To do this simply visit this page and copy the relevant code snippet. You can then paste this into the signature field in your Forum Profile settings.
In your Profile, you can customise your settings, including how you view the Forum, as well as upload an avatar, create a signature etc. After you have made your changes, click on the ‘Change Profile’ to save your settings.
First of all find an avatar somewhere out there on the web or you can use one of your own pictures. You can either copy the URL (not recommended) or save it to your PC (recommended). Once you have done this, open your Profile and click on ‘Forum Profile Information”. Click on ‘Browse’ and find the avatar you want to use on your PC.
Some avatars move, but you may find if you upload an avatar direct from your PC, it is just static. There is a way around this. Visit Tinypic, upload your avatar there and then copy the ‘Direct link for layouts’. Paste this into your profile, where it says ‘I have my own pic’. Click ‘change profile’.
You will notice most BSWC Members will have squares under their name ~ these are based on your post count. The more you post, the more squares you get!
No stars: 0 – 49
50 – 249
250 – 499
500 – 999
1,000 – 2,499
2,500 and over
In the Technical section of the forum, you will see a Testing area. Please feel free to experiment with your settings in there, setting up your signature, avatars or you might just want to practice posting before going into the main forums.
Here are some abbreviations used in the forum:
- DH Dear Husband
- DP Dear Partner
- LP Loving Partner
- SO Significant other
- BM Birth (or Biological) Mother
- BF Boyfriend
- DS Dear Son
- DD Dear Daughter
- SS Step Son
- SD Step Daughter
- YSD Youngest Step Daughter
- YSS Youngest Step Son
- Skids Step kids
- BFH Bitch From Hell (XWs are only BFHs if they have done something to deserve the name).
- RP Rat Pants
- XW EX wife
- LW Late Wife
- MIL Mother In Law
- FIL Father In Law
- PAS Parental Alienation Syndrome
- SAHM Stay At Home Mum
- IYKWIM If You Know What I Mean
- OMG Oh My God
- IYSWIM If you see what I mean
- TMI Too much information
- WOW Wife of widower
- POW Partner of widower
- IMHO In my humble opinion
- LOL Laugh out loud
- FWIW For what it’s worth
- AKA Also known as..
- BTW By the way
- FAQ Frequently asked question
- FYI For your information
- ROFL Rolling on the floor laughing
The Personal Message system we have at the BSWC is like an internal email system. You can contact other Club Members privately by sending them a PM (as long as the other person has this function enabled). To enable the function, and to choose your settings, go to your Profile, then to ‘Modify Settings’ and then to Personal Messages. This will enable you, for example, to choose whether to receive email notification of your messages. To send or read a message, click on ‘Messages’, or, to send a message, you can click on the username of another member, which will take you to their profile. You can also send them a PM from there.
We take security very seriously here at the BSWC. We undertake to:
- Provide you with a safe, secure Club where you can relax, open up and share your feelings/problems with others who understand.
- Ensure that only Second Wives/Step Mothers obtain Membership and that Ex-wives who wish to pry do not.
- Make everything run with the minimum of fuss.
We have a number of systems in place to ensure the security of the BSWC. Some you can see (like logging in) and others you can’t (we monitor the Forum).
We vet all new Members by asking for personal details (which are NOT disclosed to anyone else) to prove, as much as we can, that everyone who joins is who they say they are.
Your responsibility is to ensure the privacy of your login details. If you feel that someone else has used them, please let us know through the contact page on the website or by PM, and we will reset your login name and password.
Click on ‘Profile’ in the bar at the top of the Forum, and then click on ‘Account Settings’. You can change your password there.
Once you have paid, your Membership will be set up manually. We try to do this within 24 hours, although it is often quicker. However, at weekends or busy times, it could take longer. Once your Membership is activated, you will receive an email. Please wait until you receive this confirmation email from the BSWC saying your Membership is approved before trying to log in.
You will have received an email from the BSWC when you completed the application form, giving you a link to where you can pay your membership fee.
Firstly, make sure you are entering your username and password correctly. Secondly, check your Membership has not lapsed. Before the end of your Membership, you will have received an email from us asking if you wish to renew. If we have not received a reply to this email, we will have assumed you do not wish to renew and your account will have been closed. To reopen your account and pay for your Membership, click here.
All Memberships are personally vetted. Let us know if you are worried about someone joining the BSWC by emailing firstname.lastname@example.org or sending a PM to Membership Admin.
Yes! If the relationship with your partner fails for any reason, you are more than welcome to remain a Member of the BSWC for as long as you wish.
If you enter your date of birth (with or without the year) into your Profile, the calendar will automatically show your birthday.
They are totally safe! Unlike free (or ‘open’) forums, every Member of the BSWC has been vetted to prove their identity, so you know they are who they say they are. The BSWC have full details (full name and address) of all Members who you may meet through the Club Forums.
To renew your membership, click here.
We will email you once your Membership has expired, or is close to expiring with details on how to renew your Membership. If you do not renew, or if we don’t hear from you, we will hold your Membership details for 28 days after which time your username may be deleted together with your post count and any personal messages you had stored.
Sorry, but no.
Please check your junk/spam folders, or send us your email address again so we can check we have got it right.
The BSWC Library is a collection of books, which we think are relevant to British Second Wives and/or stepmothers. Many have been personally recommended by BSWC Members. They can now be found on our Films, TV and Books page. If you have any books to recommend, or would like to submit a review, please do so.
Click on the ‘Report this post’ link found on every post.
The Moderators ensure the BSWC remains a friendly, safe club for all its Members. They will edit posts where required and move threads if they have been started in the incorrect topic. Please try to reduce the Moderators’ workload by ensuring your thread/posting is in the correct place, breaking up large blocks of text and by not swearing.
Ayola’s bio: “I’m 41 and have been married to my husband for fifteen years. During our marriage I have experienced challenging times due to problems associated with my husband’s first marriage but we have dealt with each and every issue and moved on in our life with dignity. We have a very happy marriage and have raised four beautiful children, including my SS who lives with us permanently.
I joined the BSWC in April 2005 after searching the Internet for advice and found the club via an article on the BBC news site. I believed at the time that our problems were unique but now I know they are not unusual at all.”
Lily’s bio: “I’m 41 and have been with my husband for twelve years, married ten. I have two children (girl 20, boy 18) from my first marriage and my husband has two children (girl 19, boy 17) from his previous marriage. Although we no longer have any issues with his ex wife, unfortunately the damage over the early years created its own problems and I have not had any significant contact with the stepchildren for the last six years. They do however, continue to see their dad on a regular basis. I have been a Member since June 2007 and the strength I have gained has proved invaluable in restoring and keeping the “old me”!!
I love horse riding and get out most weekends on a horse I share with my ex husband’s wife, with whom I have a great relationship. I also love walking our two dogs and reading… when I get the chance!”
PMA’s bio: “I’m 51, and have been with my husband for almost ten years, we married almost three years ago. I have two adult daughters from my first marriage. Not only am I a ‘second’ wife (well, third actually), I’m the Wife of a Widower. My husband’s teenage daughter from that marriage lives with us, which brings its own trials…
The ex-wife has tried to destroy both of us over the years using every nasty trick in the book, to no avail! So I can honestly say I’ve ‘been there, done that, got the T shirt’ as they say… From the ex-wife to courts to CAFCASS, we have always conducted ourselves in a calm, factual manner which has helped immensely.
I found the BSWC in 2005 by googling ‘bitter ex wife’ after many, many months of her abuse. I couldn’t believe I’d found so many women -and their Husbands/Partners- in the same predicament. The BSWC saved my sanity and helped us cope.