I met my partner in 1999. I was living with my 2yr old son, having left my 2nd husband 18mnths before and he was living with his 2 son's, then aged 2 & 5. His wife had left him 5 months previously, for one of his 'mates' that she had reportedly been having an affair with for about a year.

Within 3 months we were inseparable & my son & I moved in with them. My partner was in a terrible emotional state, he had thought he would be married forever, and was sure that I too would eventually run off and leave him just like his ex had. He was receiving constant abusive telephone calls from both his ex and her family, & he let her see the children more or less as it suited her. He would drop the boys at her house each morning so that she could take them to school, let her pick them up from school 'to keep up appearances' then collect them from her house in time for him to feed them. She had overnight stays every over weekend, & odd nights.

The children were upset all the time, they didn't know why Mummy had gone, and I think the worse bit for us was that she wasn't even looking after the boys during all the weekends & overnight stays she insisted on - but farming them out to the rest of her family! Luckily, the boys just seemed to accept my son & I into their lives without question - I think they were so confused about where they would be & when, they couldn't take it all in.

The mental abuse the childrens' Mother has always loaded upon them has been staggering. She has always changed their clothes when my partner or I dressed them, threw away school packed lunches and replaced them with her own, told them she didn't like their hair-cuts, school bags, shoes etc. Told them not to speak to my partner or his family in the street, to never to do anything their Dad or I told them to do. Told them that my son was not their brother, and that they should have nothing to do with him.

After two years of threatening to take my partner to court for residency of the children, she finally carried out her threat in April 2001. She was awarded Legal Aid - we were awarded massive Solicitor's bills. For two months our lives were hell. Not one of my partners so called friends would support him in court because they were all afraid of his ex-wife's new boyfriend, a well known local 'hard-man'. When my partner won the case, and his ex's custody was reduced, we were so pleased. We felt that at last the boys had the chance of a more stable home life.

Not what she had in mind! The arguing continued, one day it got so intense she assaulted my partner & I made him go to the police. She was continuingly telling the children that their Dad would not let them see her, and unfortunately, the children have always believed her.

Since then my partner & I have married - as have his ex-wife & her new partner. My husbands children, now 12 & 9, are both deeply disturbed young men. The eldest has had over a year of counselling & physchotherapy, but can still not accept his Mum left. The youngest son is very shy and continually thinks he will be 'let down' by those he loves - not collected from school etc.

My own son has lived with the boys for 6 years - yet she made sure they never accepted him. My eldest step-son will not even acknowledge my son most days. I feel so sad that the three of them could have built such a strong bond, but it is too late now.

I have found the 'rejection' of having step-children harder & harder as the years go on. My eldest step-son & I used to get on well, but over the last year or so he has withdrawn completely from me. His Mum is the only important thing in his life & he would be with her all the time - except she doesn't want him. I have a bit more hope for my youngest step-son. He too idolises his Mum - but I think he realises 'where his bread is buttered'.

I certainly know that if my husband was not also my 'soul-mate', if I didn't love him with an intensity that can make me cry - that we could never have stood the emotional problems we have faced together.